Here We Are

Well here I am. I've managed to find my way back into the "swing of things" at home. It's crazy how quote unquote REALITY can hit you. I was on a "high" from Colorado. I was very much in tune with God and focused on His purpose for my life. With Him I was unstoppable. He provided me a new job (which I love), a new church (which is incredible), and yes...my parents did get used to the new me. It was crazy to think how quickly things could change.

They did.

A month after I got home my best friend was killed in a car accident. I went from the "ultimate high" to the "lowest of lows." I struggled with my faith and questioned God why He would take someone so young. I was angry because while people kept telling me that Zach (my bff) was saved...I didn't know for myself. I asked myself questions such as "did you and him ever talk about God?" "well why not?" "do you talk about God with any of your friends?" oh. Just the christian ones who live for God....THAT MAKES SENSE. These thoughts paraded my mind day in and day out. Not only was I grieving...it's still a process, but I was questioning God. Each of those takes its own toll on you.

So I did the only reasonable thing. I kept busy. I started being involved in every possible activity at church, working late, exercising a lot more, going out for coffee in the evenings until it was bedtime and I was exhausted. I couldn't bear the thought of having to process losing my best friend and my religion. I stopped reading my bible, I stopped my study, and I did everything except what I needed to do. Yet there I was being an "over-comer" to everyone around me. Still a woman on fire for God, focused on bringing Him to every situation. I was "holding up strong" and even helping others while they were grieving. All while I was a wreck inside.

This was three months ago.

Today I recognize that God is still King and I will live for Him. I have started reading my bible again, and I'm slowly remembering His promises. I recognized that by keeping busy I wasn't facing the reality that my best friend had passed, or the reality that God was there. This has been a very excruciating process. It is far from over, yet I recognize how I cope with things on an earthly level and it is far from what I need to do. God is so good.

Life sucks sometimes.

The beauty of it sucking is that you can learn the difference between dealing with life on your own or trusting in the One who holds all things. Once you're in you have to be ALL IN WITH GOD because when life gets tough there is nothing left in our earthly mind that will be beneficial. Turn to God in times of trouble for He has given us the voice of triumph!